turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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