Moan for me like Helen Keller
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
