I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize