I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
