i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
