But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
