I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
