i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
