Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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