I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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