another moral hangover. fuck.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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