If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
