We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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