i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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