So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
