instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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