My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
