she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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