I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
