It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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