It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
