i always forget guys have bellybuttons
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My penis needs a shock collar
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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