hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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