You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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