don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
