your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
