Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
