You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
