i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
