imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
These tits shall not be calmed
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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