Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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