the condom got lost in my hair
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize