Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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