omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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