Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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