The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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