There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
