I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
