i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You can't special order awesome
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
