he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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