I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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