i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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