i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
