so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
