by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
