How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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