I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize