she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize