That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
