My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
