i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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