I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
