Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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