someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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