yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
