just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
