you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
