Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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