i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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