white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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