i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize