Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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