haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
