please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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