I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
