we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize