Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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