how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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