umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
