I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
