grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
