Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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