I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
