I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize