When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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